On The Good Place, Eleanor tries to orchestrate Chidi’s growth behind the scenes by sending Jason to reveal that he is not a monk and to swear Chidi to secrecy. Yet it only leads Chidi to stomachaches. Tahani tries the same with John by bringing him to various VIP experiences so she can coax him to learn ethics, but eventually she has to figure out how to talk with him directly about his hurtful work on earth. On the podcast, Rebecca Rosenthal and Jon Spira-Savett delve into the Torah’s mitzvah of hochay’ach to’chiach -- a delicate dance of direct feedback, sensitivity to how the other person receives it, and awareness of what is going on within yourself that prompts your feedback in the first place.
Texts
(Go to Jewish Lexicon on this site for more on Jewish terminology, names of texts and other background. The links here in the citations take you to the specific quotes in their full contexts.)
Wherever possible here, we use the Hebrew terms — the verb forms hochay’ach tochi’ach and the noun form tochacha, all from the same Hebrew root.
Leviticus 19:17
Do not hate your brother in your heart
Ho-chay-ach to-chi-ach = confront/give feedback/rebuke/criticize your fellow
And/but do not carry guilt because of them/it
Genesis 21:25
And Avraham hochi’ach-ed Avimelech on account of the well of water that the servants of Avimelech had stolen.
Babylonian Talmud, Arachin 16b
From where is it derived with regard to one who sees an unseemly matter in another that he is obligated to criticize/rebuke him? As it is stated: “You shall rebuke/criticize, yes rebuke/criticize your fellow.” If one hochayach’ed him for his action but he did not accept, from where is it derived that one must do so again? The verse states, hochay’ach tochi’ach [and the double language indicates one must continue].
One might have thought that one should continue even if the other’s face changes due to humiliation. Therefore, the verse states: “Do not carry guilt because of it/him”; the one doing tochacha may not embarrassing the other person.
It is taught that Rabbi Tarfon says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who can receive tochacha! Why? Because if the one says to the other: Remove the splinter from between your eyes, [i.e., rid yourself of a minor problem], the other says back: Remove the beam from between your eyes [i.e., you have committed far more severe wrongs].
Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who knows how to give tochacha [correctly]!
…Rabbi Yehuda, son of Rabbi Shimon, asked his father: If one is faced with the choice of tochacha for its own sake, or humility not for its own sake, which of them is preferable? His father said to him: Do you not concede that humility for its own sake is preferable? As the Master says: Humility is the greatest of all the positive attributes. If so, humility not for its own sake is also preferable, as Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: A person should always engage in Torah and mitzvot even if not for their own sake, i.e., without the proper motivation but for ulterior motives, since through the performance of mitzvot not for their own sake, one will come in the end to do them for their own sake.
What is considered tochacha for its own sake and humility not for its own sake? It is like this incident that occurred when Rav Huna and Chiyya bar Rav were sitting before Shmuel. Chiyya bar Rav said to Shmuel: See, Master, that Rav Huna is afflicting me. Rav Huna accepted upon himself that he would not afflict Chiyya bar Rav anymore. After Chiyya bar Rav left, Rav Huna said to Shmuel: Chiyya bar Rav did such-and-such to me, and therefore I was in the right to cause him distress. Shmuel said to him: Why did you not say this in his presence? Rav Huna said to him: Heaven forbid that the son of Rav should be humiliated because of me. This provides an example of tochacha for its own sake, as Rav Huna originally rebuked Chiyya bar Rav only when Shmuel was not present, and of humility not for its own sake, as Rav Huna did not forgive Chiyya bar Rav but simply did not wish to humiliate him.
How far does the obligation of tochacha extend? Rav says: Until his tochacha is met by hitting [i.e., until the person being rebuked hits the person rebuking him]. And Shmuel says: Until his tochacha is met by cursing [i.e., he curses the one rebuking him]. And Rabbi Yochanan says: Until his tochacha is met by reprimand. This dispute between these later sages is like a dispute between earlier sages: Rabbi Eliezer says: Until his tochacha is met by hitting; Rabbi Yehoshua says: Until his tochacha is met by cursing; Ben Azzai says: Until his tochacha is met by reprimand.
Midrash Bereshit Rabbah (Genesis Rabbah) 54:3 to Genesis 21:25
Rabbi Yosi son of Rabbi Chanina said: Tochacha leads to love, as it says, “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8). Such indeed is Rabbi Yosi son of Chanina’s view, for he said: Love unaccompanied by tochacha is not love. Resh Lakish said: Tochacha leads to peace; hence, “And Avraham reproved Avimelech.” Such is his view, for he said: Peace unaccompanied by tochacha is not peace.
Deeper Dives
Not a Jewish text or deep dive, but what Jon referred to about asking ChatGPT about how to explain the paradox of Schrodinger’s Cat to a cat:
"Now, to explain this to an actual cat, you would need to find a way to convey these abstract concepts in a way that the cat can understand. This might be difficult, as cats do not have the same level of cognitive abilities as humans and are not capable of understanding complex scientific theories. However, you could try to explain the basic idea of the thought experiment using simple language and concepts that the cat might be able to understand, such as the concept of being in a box or the idea of being alive or dead. It is also important to remember that the thought experiment is just that - a thought experiment - and does not have any real-world implications for cats or any other living beings."
Learn more about Rebecca and Jon on our Hosts page!
